Untitled Document

Date Submitted: 2005-12-04	Submitted By: Dustin Cook
"To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift."
-Steve Prefontaine
Date Submitted: 2005-10-15	Submitted By: Dustin Cook
Your domain name should be; dustinneedsmoneytokeepskiingyoucheapbitches.com
-Tyler Brown
Date Submitted: 2005-06-27	Submitted By: Tyler
A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it.
-Albert Einstein
Date Submitted: 2005-06-01	Submitted By: Tyler
Meh, I am allowed bitterness at times. This is a time.
-Seb Gauthier
Date Submitted: 2005-04-29	Submitted By: Tyler
That which is right in front of you will fill your vision
-Tyler Brown
Date Submitted: 2005-03-09	Submitted By: Greg
When a man gets up to speak, people listen, then look. When a woman get up, people look. Then, if they like what they see, they listen.
-Pauline Frederick
Date Submitted: 2005-02-19	Submitted By: tristan
I'm gonna mind fuck your brains out.
-Tristan Unknown
Date Submitted: 2005-02-03	Submitted By: Tyler
It will give me something to annoy me after im done school
-Tyler Brown, Speaking of future employment
Date Submitted: 2005-01-28	Submitted By: Tyler
Dream as though you'll live forever; live as though you'll die today.
-James Dean
Date Submitted: 2005-01-12	Submitted By: Tyler
What? Fat chicks need love too... But they gotta pay.
- Quagmire, Family Guy
Date Submitted: 2005-01-11	Submitted By: Tyler
It's not cheating if she looks like a pornstar. It's essentially the same as whacking off to porn.
-Brian G
Date Submitted: 2005-01-07	Submitted By: spencer
luck, is when preperation and opportunity meet
-pierre trudeau
Date Submitted: 2004-11-12	Submitted By: Tyler
It's only a person, there are lots of them around.
-Tyler Brown
Date Submitted: 2004-11-03	Submitted By: thomas
everybody gets what they want but not what they deserve(a swift kick in the ass)
-calvin and hobb Unknown
Date Submitted: 2004-10-25	Submitted By: Thomas
That was either Superman or Dad falling off the roof
-Thomas Sturrock, its me
Date Submitted: 2004-10-18	Submitted By: Tyler
It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
- Aeschylus
Date Submitted: 2004-10-18	Submitted By: Tyler
I am patient with stupidity but not with those who are proud of it.
-Edith Sitwell
Date Submitted: 2004-10-18	Submitted By: Tyler
Honesty is a good thing, but it is not profitable to its possessor unless it is kept under control.
-Don Marquis
Date Submitted: 2004-10-02	Submitted By: Tyler
Avoid permanent fixes to temporary problems.
- Unknown
Date Submitted: 2004-10-01	Submitted By: Tyler
A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic.
-Joseph Stalin
Date Submitted: 2004-10-01	Submitted By: Tyler
Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
-Nick Diamos
Date Submitted: 2004-10-01	Submitted By: Tyler
The absence of alternatives clears the mind marvelously.
-Henry Kissinger
Date Submitted: 2004-10-01	Submitted By: Tyler
One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say.
-Will Durant
Date Submitted: 2004-10-01	Submitted By: Tristan
Friends are God's way of apologizing to us for our families.
- Unknown
Date Submitted: 2004-10-01	Submitted By: Tristan
Remember, no matter how good she looks some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her shit.
- Unkown
Date Submitted: 2004-09-25	Submitted By: Karen
One can never consent to creep when one feels the impulse to soar!
-Helen Keller
Date Submitted: 2004-08-30	Submitted By: Tyler
Glory is fleeting, but obscurity is forever.
-Napolean Bonaparte
Date Submitted: 2004-08-30	Submitted By: Tyler
Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless.
-Thomas Edison
Date Submitted: 2004-08-19	Submitted By: Tyler
Nothing proves existence like a pitchfork in the face.
-Tyler Brown, Discussing fuckwit named Descartes
Date Submitted: 2004-08-17	Submitted By: shop_tape
He who laugh's last...laugh's last.
- Unknown, ?
Date Submitted: 2004-08-11	Submitted By: Tyler
I don't care who fucked who... I just don't wanna die.
-Kevin Smith
Date Submitted: 2004-08-08	Submitted By: Brian
What the fuck is the internet?
-Jay Mews, Jay and Silent Bob
Date Submitted: 2004-08-07	Submitted By: Justin
Man's final conquest has proved to be the abolition of Man.
-CS Lewis
Date Submitted: 2004-07-31	Submitted By: Mark
I thought it through and my worst brings out the best in you
- Unknown
Date Submitted: 2004-07-31	Submitted By: Mark
If a tree falls in the woods, and it hits a mime...does anybody care?
-Jack Handey
Date Submitted: 2004-07-31	Submitted By: Mark
I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.
-Jack Handey
Date Submitted: 2004-07-27	Submitted By: Blake
They have the internet on computers now?
-Homer J. Simpson
Date Submitted: 2004-07-22	Submitted By: Tyler
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
-Quentin Crisp
Date Submitted: 2004-07-22	Submitted By: Tyler
Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do.
-Jean - Paul Sartre, Nausea (1938) "Vendredi"
Date Submitted: 2004-07-06	Submitted By: Tyler
A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.
-Sir Winston Churchill
Date Submitted: 2004-07-06	Submitted By: Tyler
The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.
-Paul Fix
Date Submitted: 2004-07-06	Submitted By: Tyler
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation
- Saki
Date Submitted: 2004-07-06	Submitted By:
I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means.
-Oscar Wilde, upon being told the cost of an operation
Date Submitted: 2004-07-06	Submitted By:
My favorite animal is steak.
-Fran Lebowitz
Date Submitted: 2004-06-27	Submitted By: Drew
Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.
- Unknown, Chinese proverb
Date Submitted: 2004-06-27	Submitted By: Drew
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
-George Carlin
Date Submitted: 2004-06-27	Submitted By: d-money
Yeah, you could definately pull the second one, definately. I don't think you could drop off Mt Everest though, like he did.
-Aexander Harley
Date Submitted: 2004-06-27	Submitted By: Tyler
Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right.
-Isaac Asimov
Date Submitted: 2004-06-27	Submitted By: Tyler
I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution.
-Wernher von Braun
Date Submitted: 2004-06-18	Submitted By: Tyler
I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.
- Unknown
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin Cook
When you got a gun, you don't got ta work out.
-Chris Rock
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
Slump? I ain't in no slump... I just ain't hitting.
-Yogi Berra
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
If we lose this war, I'll just start another in my wife's name.
-Moshe Dayan, Israeli General
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
-WC Fields
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
-Dave Edison
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money costs less.
-Brendan Francis
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, where does that leave God?
-George Deacon
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
- Decca Recording Company, rejecting the Beatles
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
Never judge a book by it's movie.
-J.W. Eagen
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Dustin
One of the greatest labor saving inventions of today is tomorrow.
-Vincent T. Foss
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Tristan
Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted.
-John Lennon
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Tristan
If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet! The're about to announce the lottery numbers...
-Homer Simpson
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Tyler
Suburbia is where the developer bulldozes out the trees, then names the streets after them.
-Bill Vaughan
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Tyler
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
-Albert Einstein
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Tyler
As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something.
- Hagar the Horrible
Date Submitted: 2004-06-09	Submitted By: Tyler
In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
-Johann von Neumann
Date Submitted: 2004-06-08	Submitted By: Tyler
God is a useless, and costly hypothesis, so we will do without it.
-Jean-Paul Sartre
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Powers
Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.
-Albert Einstein
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Powers
Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by fighting back.
-Paul Erdos
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Powers
When you do the common things in life in an uncommon way, you will command the attention of the world.
-George Washington Carver
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
He is not part of our demographic, he is expendable.
- Unknown, Overheard on tour with Maroon 5
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them
-Kin Hubbard
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally.
-Abraham Lincoln
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do.
- Voltaire
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children.
-George Bernard Shaw
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Blame someone else and get on with your life.
-Alan Woods
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
One should always play fairly when one has the winning cards.
-Oscar Wilde
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
I never lecture, not because I am shy or a bad speaker, but simply because I detest the sort of people who go to lectures and don't want to meet them.
-H.L. Mencken
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
When two men in business always agree, one of them is unnecessary.
-William Wrigley Jr.
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
The law, in its majestic equality, forbids the rich as well as the poor to sleep under bridges, to beg in the streets, and to steal bread.
-Anatole France
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?
-Steven Wright
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.
-Andy Rooney
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into a committee -- that will do them in.
- Bradley, Bradley's Bromide
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Why is it drug addicts and computer afficionados are both called users?
-Clifford Stoll
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.
-E.W. Dijkstra
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.
- Unknown, Farmer's Almanac 1978
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
I drink too much and don't believe in much of anything.
-John Nolan
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
All programmers are playwrights and all computers are lousy actors.
- Unkown
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
-Albert Camus
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?
-Jay Leno
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter.
-Sir Winston Churchill
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.
-Bob Hope
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
A happy childhood is poor preparation for human contacts.
- Colette
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
I have yet to see any problem, however complicated, which, when you looked at it in the right way, did not become still more complicated.
-Paul Anderson
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest.
-William Hazlitt
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.
-Johann Wolfgang van Goethe
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Art is making something out of nothing and selling it.
-Frank Zappa
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
I always admired atheists. I think it takes a lot of faith.
-Diane Frolov
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
-Woody Allen
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.
-Woody Allen
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
-Woody Allen
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Out of life's school of war: What does not destroy me, makes me stronger.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact.
-Jean-Paul Sartre
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
It is easy to be brave from a safe distance.
- Aesop
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
-Woody Allen
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.
- Aristotle
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
I am not young enough to know everything.
-Oscar Wilde
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
When armies are mobilized and issues are joined, The man who is sorry over the fact will win.
- Lao-tzu
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.
-Groucho Marx
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Women should be obscene and not heard.
-Groucho Marx
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
A witty saying proves nothing.
- Voltaire
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers.
- Voltaire
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
-George Carlin
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer is that if they foul up there's no law against wacking them around a little.
-Joe Martin
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?
-Vince Lombardi
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail.
-Gore Vidal
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good.
- Seneca
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
He was a wise man who invented God.
- Plato
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Pessimist: One who, when he has the choice of two evils, chooses both.
-Oscar Wilde
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like.
-Jean Cocteau
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Man is not like other animals in the ways that are really significant: Animals have instincts, we have taxes.
-Erving Goffman
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Now comes the mystery.
-Henry Ward Beecher, (1813 - 1887), last words, 8 March 1887.
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Woman was God's second mistake.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it.
-Stephen Leacock
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
A cap of good acid costs five dollars and for that you can hear the Universal Symphony with God singing solo and the Holy Ghost on drums.
-Hunter S. Thompson
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
He who despairs over an event is a coward, but he who holds hope for the human condition is a fool.
-Albert Camus
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all.
-Alfred Lord Tennyson
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
-Walt Disney
Date Submitted: 2004-05-23	Submitted By: Tyler
"I have to run for 25 minutes! Do you know how long that is?!" -Yea 25 minutes.
-Tyler Brown
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.
-Albert Schweitzer
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
In times like these, it helps to recall that there have always been times like these.
-Mark Twain
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
I liked 18 year old girls when I was 18, why would it be any different now?
-George Burns
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
The metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.
-Dave Barry
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.
-Dan Quayle
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers.
-Mahatma Ghandi
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
-William G. McAdoo
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
An idealist is a person who helps other people to be prosperous.
-Henry Ford
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Tyler
It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.
-Martin Luther King Jr.
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Drew
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend; Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx
Date Submitted: 2004-05-19	Submitted By: Drew
There's something I like about the clitoris, but I can't quite put my finger on it.
-George Carlin
Date Submitted: 2004-05-18	Submitted By: Tyler
Only the dead have seen the end of war.
- Plato
Date Submitted: 2004-04-22	Submitted By: Drew
We will win the Stanley Cup this year.
-Daniel Alfredsson, 2003-2004
Date Submitted: 2004-04-16	Submitted By: Tyler
You're busy fucking everyone.
-Ladd Mitchell
Date Submitted: 2004-04-07	Submitted By: Tyler
Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom.
-George Patton
Date Submitted: 2004-04-07	Submitted By: Drew
These go to eleven.
-Nigel Tufnel, Spinal Tap
Date Submitted: 2004-04-07	Submitted By: Tristan
Does this look like a Q to you?
-Glen Quagmire
Date Submitted: 2004-04-07	Submitted By: FRENCH
OH MY GOD WE HAVE A KITCHEN?
-Homer Simpson
Date Submitted: 2004-04-06	Submitted By: Alanna
With friends like you, who needs friends?
-Dirk Calloway, Rushmore
Date Submitted: 2004-04-05	Submitted By: Mark
Everyone's a little queer - why can't she be a little straight?
-Rivers Cuomo
Date Submitted: 2004-04-05	Submitted By: The Westboro Kid
You never see any really old midgets. I guess their lifespans are shorter too.
-George Carlin
Date Submitted: 2004-04-02	Submitted By: Tyler
Girls assume the worst, but expect the best.
- Unknown, Overheard on tour with Maroon 5